Trolling Redux

I lifted the text below from planetjan’s  blog.  It is part of her post entitled Narcissistic Game Playing.  It has eerie significance for me because the last sentence echoes something my N said to me.  Read the lifted text and you’ll see some bolded text at the bottom.  I’ll clue you in below that text.

When it comes to relationships, narcissists have two birds to kill. First, because they think very highly of themselves, they use relationships to self enhance not caring whether this involves exploiting others. Think of it as feeding the beast. Although the narcissist desires perfection in a partner, in reality their partners (mere humans) are doomed to come up short. This game is not a cooperative game, but one in which the winner takes all.

But here’s the rub. Relationships are good in that they can provide positive attention and sex, BUT they are bad in that they demand emotional intimacy and prevent the narcissist from receiving attention and sex from other partners. If only they could have it both ways… (The feelings of the other person do not factor into the N’s thinking.)

So the narcissist turns on the charm, using all the extraversion and confidence he can muster to reel in a new partner. But “they would be careful to keep this relationship from becoming too intimate or emotionally close lest they lose control. Finally, narcissists would covertly seek out other potential romantic partners.” So it should come as surprise that the narcissist lacks a sense of real commitment to a relationship and is always on the lookout for an alternative, frequently flirting with others.

In this way, the narcissist maintains power in the relationship and a certain amount of freedom. If things go sour in the relationship, he’s already got his eye on his next target.

“Narcissists’ self-regulatory blueprint involves bringing people in and extracting esteem from them. If that entails being, in turn, charming, exciting, deceptive, controlling, or nasty, so be it.”

When I was in the devaluation phase with my N, he sent me the email I’ve pasted below.  First, understand that I’d already broken it off with him.  In a prior email he’d told me if I had something “important” to discuss, to call him, and not tell him in email.  So I called him and left a message letting him know I had something important to talk about.  He didn’t return the call.  So I sent him an email breaking things off with him.  The next day he sends me an email about a photo of me telling me how much he likes it.  I replied with:  “did you get my phone message?”

Below is his reply.  He completely ignores that I sent him an email two days prior telling him that I no longer wanted to be involved with him.   Obviously, nothing regarding me is important enough for a phone call, because he justifies sending what should be an “important” email by stating it’s going to hurt regardless what way he does it.  Devaluation.  I’m not worth a phone call.  At this point, it didn’t matter, except to confirm my growing knowledge that he’s a selfish, manipulative bastard who is incapable of sustaining any sort of intimate relationship.

I tell him I’m breaking it off and that translates to:  “you seem to want more than I can give right now.”

Then he gives me the slam-dunk.  He tells me he may be fooling himself into thinking he can maintain frequent contact with me right now, and in the same set of keystrokes tells me he’s trolling and has intention of spending that time he doesn’t have looking for other women.  The eerie similarity in the bolded text from PlanetJan’s blog text and what is in red and bolded below makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck.

——– Original Message ——–

Subject: RE: ops
Date: Fri, 29 Jul 2011 12:46:11 +0000
From: The N <the N’s email>
To: ‘Me’ <my email>

I think I’m going to hurt you be it in person or not so this has just got to happen now.

I like talking to you.

I like spending time with you.

But:

From my perspective you seem to want more than I can give right now.

I may be fooling myself into thinking I have enough time to maintain frequent contact with you and I certainly don’t want to give you any illusions.

 I am trying to bring a number of people into my life right now and it has been/will be taking a lot of time.

________________________________

I thought I’d got to the laughing point about this man, but this bit of serendipity made me want to go shower.  It made me shiver in horror at the thought of the monster I’d believed was a wonderful man.  It also confirmed, without any doubt whatsoever, that the man with whom I thought I was involved is a hardcore Narcissist.  There is so much going on in this email that I would emotionally exhaust myself attempting to deconstruct it any more than I have.  It would also cause me to become depressed again, and I’m not going there again.  I’m worth so much more than to allow myself to cycle down into depression again because the man of my nightmares is actually a living, breathing entity who lives 4.5 miles from me.

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NPD – Fun With Archaic and Obscure Words: A through I

I was given a clever little gift by someone a couple of years ago.  It’s called:  Reading the OED:  One Man, One Year, 21,730 Pages.

The book is by Ammon Shea, who actually sat down and READ the entire Oxford English Dictionary and wrote his own book about the more interesting archaic and obscure words he encountered.  The book is fun, entertaining and, actually, educational.

An N would love this book, since it would provide him/her some truly “empowering” vocabulary.  By “empowering” I mean that it would provide yet another fun way for the N to obfuscate (great word, huh?) and confuse his or her victim.

So I’m going to have fun pulling words from it that actually describe an NPD.  Notice I don’t say someone who has NPD.  An N is their disorder, hence, “an NPD.”

This post contains the letters A through I.  I will continue at a later date with J.

Enjoy!  Have fun!  Add these words to your vocabulary.  Odds are good your N hasn’t heard of them.

A

Abluvion:  Substance or things that are washed away.  Gosh, this could be synonymous with discarding.  Imagine that.

Addubitation:  A suggestion of doubt.  Oh my.  Does anyone know an N who engages in addubitation?  I do!

Aerumnous:  Full of trouble.  Need I explain?

Assy:  Asinine.  Um – yeah, I think it fits.

Astorgy:  A lack of natural affection.  GASP!  Really???  My N is full of astorgy.  How about yours?

B

Backfriend:  A fake friend; a secret enemy.  Well, Ns are always fake and never friends, but they’re only secret enemies until we figure them out.  bwahahahahaha!

Bayard:  A person armed with the self-confidence of ignorance.  Well golly gosh gee whiz!  Slap your N’s face and call him a Bayard!

Beadledom:  The sense of self-importance and officiousness.  How absolutely delicious!

Bed-swerver:  An unfaithful spouse or lover.  Gosh, imagine an N being unfaithful!

Benignant:  Showing warm feelings toward one’s inferiors.   Be prepared for benignance.  Ns believe themselves superior to everyone!

Bowelless:  Having no bowels; lacking in mercy or compassion.  Gee, I don’t know any Ns who qualify.  (snort!)

Bully-scribbler:  A bullying writer.   Gee.  Anyone received any bullying emails from their N lately?

C

Cacozealous:  Ill-affected, or badly imitating.  Oh me.  Oh my.  What do we know about Ns and their “emotions?”

Charientism:  A rhetorical term to describe saying a disagreeable thing in an agreeable way.  Ns practice charientism all the time.

Conspue:  To spit on someone or something with contempt.  This can be used figuratively, you know.  Ns do this all the time.

D

Dapocaginous:  Having a narrow heart.  This is not a medical term.  I bet you can figure it out.

Desiderium:  A yearning, specifically for a thing one once had but has no more.  “My N has a persistent desiderium for a clean mirror.”

Dyspathy:  The antithesis of sympathy.  Does your N display dyspathy?  Mine did.

E

Elozable:  Readily influenced by flattery.  Oh yes, indeed!  Ns are always elozable!

Expalpate:  To get something through flattery.  My goodness!  Did your N engage in sincere-sounding expalpation?

F

Fedity:  Vile or repuslive practices.  What a handy word to describe an Ns behavior!

Frauendienst:  An exaggerated sense of chivalry toward women.  Most male Ns will exhibit frauendienst when they first meet a woman they think can be a good mirror.

G

Hmm. I didn’t find any under G.

H

Hansardize:  To show that a person has previously expressed opinions differing from the ones he or she now holds.   My N attempted to hansardize me all the time.  He wasn’t successful, which is why I’m such a broken little mirror.  Snort.

Heterodogmatize:  To have an opinion different from the one generally held.  My N was so full of heterodogmatization that his eyes were brown (and he had blue eyes!)  In general, it means one is WRONG.

I

Idiorepulsive:  Self-repelling.  Well, if we think about what an N truly is, and what we know about how an N truly feels about him or herself, I think this is apt.

Immutual:  Not mutual.  Any interaction you have with an N will be immutual with regard to equality.

Infelicitate:  to cause to be unhappy.  The irony of this word is that it makes me very happy.  I love it.  My N, however, engaged in this practice daily.

Inspirado:  a person who thinks himself inspired.  Note from the author:  “If someone is describing you with a noun that ends in -o, chances are, they are not paying you a compliment.”  My N is an inspirado.

 

 

 

 

 

More A.A. Milne Deconstruction – Winnie-the-Pooh

First, take a read of these Character Descriptions of all the primary (and some lesser known) characters in the Winnie-the-Pooh series.  The link will open in a new tab or window, depending upon your browser.

Now, re-read my post on A.A. Milne’s poem “Disobedience.”

Okay, we’ve all grown up thinking Winnie-the-Pooh and Christopher Robin were the most amazing children’s stories.  Having researched A.A. Milne, I’m seeing something a bit more sinister.  It’s not a terribly far reach to see this in these characters.

Remember, these are all Christopher Robin’s “friends.”  We know that Christopher Robin is a good boy, who never does anything wrong, who is always right, who is kind, generous, loving, obedient, etc.  Christopher Robin is practically perfect in every way.  His friends, however, seem to be lacking a bit…

1.  Winnie-the-Pooh:  He’s known to live under the name ” Mr. Sanders.”  Milne goes on to state that this means he lives beneath the name Sanders which is inscribed in gold over the door to his home.   First, Milne intimates that Pooh’s name is really Mr. Sanders, and then he invalidates this with humor that is actually devaluing and cruel by stating he’s not really Mr. Sanders, he simply lives in a house with that name over the door.  What, did Pooh steal the home?  Is he a squatter?  Why didn’t he paint over the name Sanders if his name is REALLY “Pooh?”  Why does Milne allow him to seem to be a bumbling idiot, when he’s so very obviously not?  Why did Milne state his REAL name and then immediately take it away from him, replacing it with the ludicrous “Pooh?” Milne’s characterization of a loving, gentle, easily frightened bear who loves the simple things in life is “bumbling idiot.”  Can you extrapolate?

2.  Piglet:  He’s a small, timid pig who used to live at Trespassers Will, 100 Aker Wood, S.W. in a Beech Tree.  He tells people Trespasser’s Will refers to his grandfather, who he calls Trespassers W, which really stands for Trespassers William.  Milne goes on to inform us through description of the sign before it broke, that Piglet is lying about having a grandfather named Trespassers William.  Milne tells us Trespassers Will, before it broke, stood for Trespassers will be Prosecuted or Trespassers will be invited to dinner.  My guess is prosecution.  Piglet is also the nervous sort.  Gee, I wonder why?  His entire existence is based upon a whopping lie.  Maybe he’s afraid he’ll be found out.  He’s always sidling up to Pooh, seeking comfort and reassurance, and he daily wonders what will be exciting that day.  Liar, nervous, needs constant reassurance,  twitches and wonders about daily excitement.   There you have some classic Borderline Personality Disorder traits.

3.  Eeyore:  Oh please.   Invert NPD.  Say it in your best Eeyore voice:  “I’m so depressed.  I’m so unhappy.  My birthday is coming and I bet no one notices.  Oh gosh, thanks for noticing me.  I’ll just put my tail back on and trudge back to my unhappy home where no one pays attention to me, no one loves me, no one cares about me.”

4.  Tigger:  Well gee.  Do I need to interpret?  Maybe.  Attention seeker.   He’s bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun.  He hates all the things that Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore love to eat.  Specifically those things.  He loves to play detective, because that’s what Tiggers (Narcissists) do best!  Tiggers are wonderful things!  The best thing about him is that he’s “the only one!”  Tiggers also never get lost and they’re great at locating “lost” friends.  His friends get lost and he has to ‘rescue’ them.  Then he makes them pay by annoying the shit out of them.  My guess is that they wanted to be lost.

5.  Rabbit:  Oh this is enlightening!  Pushy and decisive. The best speller of all the animals. His life is made up of Important Things. Likes to organize things and take charge of group events, even if nothing gets done. Becomes disoriented very quickly in unfamiliar surroundings.  He has friends “too many to count.”  Do you know anyone like this?  I do.

6.  Owl:  He speaks eloquently, everyone thinks he’s the wisest, he tells stories to anyone who will listen and sometimes he’s a real bore. Gosh.  Gee.  Are bells clanging?

There are more, but these should give you a clue.   A.A. Milne has projected personality traits on to stuffed animals – traits that may exemplify his own worst characteristics and since he can’t acknowledge them in himself, he projects them – in these stories – onto stuffed animals.  His adult writing does the same thing.  Read some of it.

Then there’s Christopher Robin, the good boy.  The boy who never does anything wrong, who always reflects the positive traits a narcissist so wants to believe himself to have.  Christopher Robin is the polar opposite of his friends.  Christopher Robin never makes mistakes.  He always does the right thing.  He is known to chide his friends when they’ve been “bad.”  He shoots down ideas, he walks away from “bad” ideas, and I don’t believe I’ve ever read (in the original writings) where he was ever accountable for any misadventure, even though he participated in a LOT of them.

Some of you may think I’m reaching too far, because Christopher Robin and the Pooh family may have been some of your favorite childhood characters.  I’m not denigrating your favorite characters.  I’m stating that the author of these stories had a few issues with which you might be well-acquainted, and those issues are clear in his character development.

Recovery: Staying Off the Rollercoaster

This post is written from the position of remaining free from your recently ended relationship with an NPD, but you can use these methods for healing yourself from almost any unhealthy relationship. 

So you’re free.  It may have been your choice, or you may have been permanently discarded.  Either way, you’re FREE.  Janis Joplin sang:  “Freedom’s just another word for nuthin’ left to lose…”

The aftermath of a relationship with a narcissist leaves you in an emotional state where you might feel you really don’t have anything left to lose.  Good.  If you have nothing left to lose (because the narcissist took it all from you), then you can start rebuilding your emotional strength.  Remember:  there’s a silver lining everywhere.  If you can do it, reach down and find that reserve of strength – think of your strength bank like your gas tank.  When the gas light in your car comes on, it means you’re on empty, according to the vehicle’s sensors.  You’re not on empty, though, because you can still drive at least far enough to get to a gas station and gas up, right?

It’s the same situation with your emotional strength.  When you feel you’re on empty, there’s always a teeny bit left.  There is just enough to get you to the strength bank so you can refill.

Narcissists attempt to totally destroy a person before discarding.  It’s a torturous path because the devaluation begins with your first meeting.  It’s insidious.  You won’t recognize that you’re being devalued until you’ve spent a significant amount of time with this individual.  One day it will all seem too much for you.  You won’t know what this person wants.  You’ll do something right today and tomorrow it will be wrong.  You’ll be criticized for things you weren’t aware you did and you’ll turn yourself inside out attempting to right imaginary wrongs, because by the time the criticism escalates to this point, the N has brainwashed you into believing that there truly is something wrong with you.

1.  Tell yourself, over and over, even if you don’t yet believe it that nothing is wrong with you.

2.  Find some way to channel the negative emotional energy.   For me, it’s writing.  For others it may be exercise, therapy, cleaning, taking up a new hobby.  Do whatever you can do to NOT sit around and castigate yourself for “screwing it up,” because the N will have quite definitively told you that the reason the two of you are no longer together is your fault.

3.  If at all possible do not maintain any contact with this person. You may continue to receive phone calls and emails from the N, but those are simply attempts to either devalue you even more or entice you back into the pairing (it’s not a relationship), so the N can begin the cycle again.  Ns hate to lose their narcissistic supply, even after they’ve   used, abused and discarded you.  They go looking for new supply, and if they can’t find it, they’ll come back to you.

4.  In my case, writing emails THAT WERE NEVER SENT was incredible therapy for me.  I would pull up a random email from my N, hit “reply” and remove his email address from the “to:” field.  Then I’d begin deconstructing what he’d said in the email and I’d write my reply to his bullshit.  I’d slam his ass against the wall, pick up my figurative steel pipe and bludgeon him until he was bleeding and crushed, slithering down the wall, like the squashed insect he is.  Then, so I could track my healing progress, I’d save the email to my drafts.  I never clicked “send.”  Don’t ever send an N your emotions.  You will find them being used against you with more brutality than you knew existed.

 Below is an example of what I did with one of his emails to me.  This never got sent:

On 7/30/2011 2:10 PM, Narcissistic Bastard wrote:

Your prior email and phone calls had and have elements of anger, damming analysis and insulting conjecture of my character. It is disturbing if you cannot see it.

I imagine it IS disturbing to you, asshole.  Guess what?  I “cannot see it.”  I notice you say “it is disturbing” rather than “I am disturbed…”  That’s quite telling.  You’ve just projected on me again.  Translation:  “You’re a disturbed individual because you refuse to accept my indictment of you as your own reality.”   Oh, btw, your selective memory is showing.  My “prior phone calls” (which I’m assuming are calls you believe happened within the past week) consisted of ONE phone call that YOU made, while you were drunk, where you unleashed enormous amounts of vitriol on me in what you probably considered was a charming and light-hearted manner.  

 When I detect this type of anger and criticism, I retract rather than argue which is why I did not want to (and still do not) talk to you personally about it.

When I detect a control freak, I run like hell.  I’m not going to talk about it.  I dumped your controlling ass, or have you forgotten?  Oh wait, it doesn’t count if I dump you.  You have to dump me for the “relationship” to be over.  Silly me.  I pity the woman who falls for you and stays with you.

 As far as I knew we were friends and I tried to make that clear repeatedly. Something is making you angry and it is now feeding on itself. The below said clearly that you were and are angry (insults are a pretty good indicator) and are very dissatisfied with me as a person in now many many cited ways both in your phone messages and email.

Insults?  Phone messages? WTF kind of drugs are you ON, idiot? “Something” is making me very angry and it is feeding on itself?  Snort.  I told you what made me angry.  It’s not feeding on itself.  You can’t stand that I found you lacking in any way, and it makes you angry that I would dare to tell you about it.  Sorry bub, that’s the way life goes.  You’re gonna be one lonely man.  

I do not care to have these things keep appearing from you.

What things?  The drugs must be good.  Are you like Alice, with the “drink me” bottles?  Oh, I now I see.  You have issues with math.  One email telling you how I feel translates into several “things” onto which you project your own anger and lack of self.  That’s right.  You’re incapable of empathy.  Even your rage and control are copies – you copied them from mommy.   When you look in a mirror you see nothing, that’s why you need people.  A static object reflects emptiness to you, but a warm-blooded, vital, confident and loving woman translates to feeding time for you.  

I have tried now on several occasions to ask you to stop sending these angry things but you will not.

When?  What things?  Oh geez, I’m a stupid woman again, aren’t I?  I’m such a bad mirror.  I keep forgetting that YOUR reality is the only one that exists and you make it up as you go along.  And look!  There you go with multiplication again.  I’m guessing you sucked at word problems in grade school, because the word problem:  “if my human mirror sends me one email expressing emotions I don’t want to hear about, how many emails expressing these emotions have I received?” got answered in the plural.   You failed, li’l buckaroo.  Miserably.  Wait.  That’s what you do.  You only appear successful because you’ve stolen that appearance from other people. 

I will ask for one more email from you.

It will contain only one thing.

 An agreement that you will take the next three weeks of quiet to cool.

And we can maybe try contact again if your anger has settled.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OMG.  You’re serious.  Come to me pathetic insect, so I can squash you beneath my steel-toed boot, thus freeing your airspace for others, who are of worth, to breathe. 

 This is the last email from me that will have any content from me for at least three weeks or longer if you so desire.

You think this email had “content?”  What, you’re going to send me MORE emails without “content?”  Sweet bleeding Jesus, man, step away from the keyboard and shackle yourself to your crawlspace.  Better yet, take your inflatable kayak out into some class 5 rapids.  That way the stench of your decomposition won’t create issues for your neighbors.  Oh darn, I forgot again.  You only TALK about shooting class 5 rapids in your inflatable.  You tried to convince me that information from one of the top kayakers in the world is all wrong, because you know everything. 

I wrote this but did not send it.  I have a million other replies to this particular email, because after spending much time deconstructing it, I realized it encapsulated the horror that is this monster.  He showed himself to me; he showed his complete alignment with the DSM-IV criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.    Try it.  It might just help you.

5. At first, you will still be on the rollercoaster and you’ll have to take it at your own pace.  You might feel strong and empowered for 15 minutes and then feel like you’re the worst person on the planet for the next 3 hours.  When this happens, force yourself to remember the horrible things this person did to you.  Remember the kindness, love and compassion you gave this person and how those gifts were treated.

6.  You’ll spend a bit of time checking your email and phone to see if your N has contacted you.  If that person has contacted you, please, please, please heed this advice:  DO NOT REPLY IN ANY FASHION if at all possible.  If you are divorcing an N, and there are children involved, you may have to reply.  Check with your attorney first and if you can, have your attorney reply.  If you feel your children are in danger, do what you have to do to get them away from this person.  Contact your attorney, first, to make certain that everything you do is legal, because if it’s not, your N will delight in using your actions against you.

7.  Reach out to your support network.  If you don’t have one, and you might not have one at this point, because Ns love to manipulate their victims into withdrawing from their support system, get one.  Call all those people with whom you may have lost contact during your prison sentence with the N, explain the situation. Those who are truly friends will always be there for you.

8.  Seek group counseling.  If you can find a Co-Dependants Anonymous meeting near you, please do.  Here’s the link to their home page:  CoDA .   I know they don’t have a lot of meetings, but they do have online groups.

Something I’ve noticed in my journey:  Many of us who fall victim to Narcissists fall into a group I like to call Adult Children of Dysfunctional Parents.  I’m an adult child of alcoholics, and if you are familiar with the behavioral issues inherent in alcoholism, you will recognize that they are crossover traits to NPD.  Many alcoholics display Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Disorder traits.  Regardless the category in which our parents or other authority figures in our lives are placed, the odds are excellent that we experienced such horrendous emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse at their hands that we left home emotionally paralyzed, with poor self-esteem, and we engage in self-sabotage by setting goals for ourselves that are well above our reach.  This is typical, since our parents or authority figures did that for us – we were well-trained.

It’s going to be tough, but you will have to re-invent yourself.  This is not a superficial process t that is grounded in image.  This is a very deep and painful process that is grounded in SELF.  If you’ve been involved with a narcissist, particularly for an extended period, you have been emotionally damaged.  It’s now time to heal and deal.  The first step is to acknowledge the abuse and allow yourself to FEEL your feelings, regardless how painful they are.  Don’t dwell on them, simply allow them to come, feel them, cry, scream, go run a mile at top speed, punch pillows – do whatever you need to do to let them go.  You cannot hold onto these feelings.  They MUST go.  Do something that will allow you to feel good about yourself.  If your N said you were incapable of doing something, and you believed it, go DO that something.  Whether you succeed or fail is of no importance because what the N was truly saying to you is that you don’t have the guts to TRY.

You may go through a period of deep depression.  I did.  I elected not to take anti-depressants.  I’m very familiar with depression, and I know when I’m cycling too far down to be functional.  I allowed myself to be depressed; I allowed myself to feel the feelings and then I’d say “enough.  now DO something.”  Then I’d get up and do whatever made me feel good about myself.  That feeling would last until the next round of pain washed over me.  I’d feel it, sometimes wallow in it, and for me, I’d write it.  Writing is my therapy; it clears my head and releases pain I didn’t know I had.  Do whatever allows you to release pain.  If you don’t know how, just go take a brisk walk.  That’s a great start – exercise releases “feel good” endorphins.

Whatever you choose to do to heal yourself, do NOT – I repeat – DO NOT – let your N know you’re doing these things.  Do not send “I’m healing from you” emails.  DO NOT make angry phone calls to that person just to make yourself feel better.  You want this person out of your life for good.  Treat them as though they do not exist.  Regardless how close they may live to you, make that distance a universe.

You can do it.  You’re free now.  That means you have been given the gift of life.  Being with a narcissist is the death of Self.

Three deep breaths.  1. 2. 3. GO!

 

Christopher Robin was Always Six. What About A. A. Milne?

A.A. Milne is best known for his Winnie-the-Pooh stories but he wrote a series called “When We Were Very Young.”  I owned this book as a child, and it had been passed down to me from my mother who had it from her mother.   In it is a poem entitled “Disobedience”  about James James Morrison Morrison (commonly known as “Jim”) and I find the poem startling in it’s adult theme of narcissistic control, entitlement, devaluation and discarding.

James James Morrison Morrison Weatherby George Dupree  is a three-year-old in the poem, and as we all know, three-year-olds are ALL about them, and what they want.  They have not evolved to the age of reason yet, but this poem feels quite dark to me, with what I now know about narcissism.   All the elements are there.  JJMM is a grand little boy – just look at his name!  He is entitled to obedience simply because he is JJMM.

Deconstructed, JJMM, meets the criteria for NPD.  He is manipulative and controlling, he feels entitled, he demands obedience, he is grandiose, he even aligns himself with the King when his mother disobeys him, he shifts blame, and draws his relations into his fantasy, devalues his mother and finally, he discards her, as shown in the last stanza of the poem.

I would guess that JJMM was not a three year old.  Milne was writing at the same time P.G. Wodehouse was writing, and the two disliked each other greatly.  Wodehouse, however much he disliked Milne, admits to liking his poetry, which he found extremely humorous.  P.G. Wodehouse was a great humorist, and delighted in poking fun at Milne’s consistent propensity to take himself seriously.

I can hear the anger in this poem, and even though Milne states that his son inspired all his children’s work, I believe much of Milne’s children’s work was inspired more by his own personality (disorder?)  Perhaps.  It’s all conjecture, but in re-reading the book, I’m seeing a lot of narcissistic attributes cloaked in the stasis of a six-year-old mind.  If you read the Christopher Robin poems, Christopher Robin never ages past 6, and Milne states that he stopped writing children’s literature at about that time because his “inspiration” was “getting too old.”

Six.  The age that it is believed narcissistic personality disorder develops.

Disobedience

James James
          Morrison  Morrison
          Weatherby George Dupree
          Took great
          Care of his Mother,
          Though he was only three.
          James James
          Said to his Mother,
          "Mother", he said, said he;
     "You must never go down to the end of the town,
      if you don't go down with me."

          James James
          Morrison's Mother
          Put on a golden gown,
          James James
          Morrison's Mother
          Drove to the end of the town.
          James James
          Morrison's Mother
          Said to herself, said she:
     "I can get right down to the end of the town and be
       back in time for tea"

          King John
          Put up a notice,
          "LOST or STOLEN or STRAYED!
          JAMES JAMES
          MORRISON'S MOTHER
          SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN MISLAID.
          LAST SEEN
          WANDERING VAGUELY;
          QUITE OF HER OWN ACCORD,
      SHE TRIED TO GET DOWN TO THE END OF THE TOWN-
       FORTY SHILLINGS REWARD!

          James James
          Morrison Morrison
          (Commonly known as Jim)
          Told his
          Other relations
          Not to go blaming _him_.
          James James
          Said to his Mother,
          "Mother", he said, said he:
     "You must never go down to the end of the town with-
       out consulting me."

          James James
          Morrison's Mother
          Hasn't been heard of since.
          King John
          Said he was sorry,
          So did the Queen and Prince.
          King John
          (Somebody told me)
          Said to a man he knew:
     "If people go down to the end of the town, well,
       what can anyone do?"

(Now then, very softly)          
          J. J.
          M. M.
          W. G. Du P.
          Took great
          C/o his M*****
          Though he was only 3.
          J. J.
          Said to his M*****
          "M*****", he said, said he:
"You-must-never-go-down-to-the-end-of-the-town-if-
       you-don't-go-down-with-ME!"

— A A Milne

What do we know about narcissists?  They have delusions of grandeur, they believe they can control others, they believe they are entitled to special treatment, they align themselves with those who reflect the greatness they believe themselves to project, and when their goals are thwarted, they resort to devaluation and discarding.

The end of this poem shows us exactly how J. J.  M. M.  W. G. Du P. truly feels about himself.  He can’t even speak the word “Mother” since she did something that he believes reflected poorly upon him, rather; all he can absorb of the entire situation is that Mother disobeyed him, thus she is no longer worthy of even being called “Mother.”

He cannot abide the notion that Mother might be an individual unto herself; an individual capable of independent thought and action.  The very idea of this is anathema to James James Morrison Morrison, who, it is stated rather early on, is “commonly known as Jim.”  JJMM does not at all like being thought of as commonly known.  He must be superior to all others.  He is not to blame for his mother’s disappearance.  No, not he.  He lets all and sundry know this.  Mother disobeyed him, thus she has now paid for her foolish disobedience.  She has disappeared.

“Mother” probably got bloody sick of JJMM’s abuse and split.  She hasn’t been seen since because she knows what’s in store for her if she ever allows JJMM back in her life.

I don’t believe this to be a poem about or for a child – it’s simply disguised that way.  This poem could be rather autobiographical for A.A. Milne.  He was an arrogant somebody, quite full of himself, with a well-documented need for attention and ego-stroking.  He had an incredible sense of self-importance as a writer, and felt himself and his writing to be misunderstood by all but a chosen few.

Kinda makes ya go “hmmmm.”

Dedicated to the One I Dumped…

Dedicated to my N:
(bwahahahahahaha!)

Sing it loud. It’s the perfect “I’m dumping your narcissistic ass” song!