…automatically lowers your IQ by about 50 points?
I closed all my profiles, but Match still keeps mine open until my 3 month subscription runs out in October (at which time I will BE on their ass like the proverbial flaming bag of dog poop if they auto-bill me for another 3 months, since I cancelled the subscription a month ago!). I’ve been getting lots of “winks” from guys in ball caps. I’ve been getting emails telling me that God has told men in ball caps to marry me. A man in a ball cap emailed to let me know he wanted to shower me with rose petals and massage baby oil into my feet. A man in a ball cap who I suspect is Nigerian told me he would love to meet me, if only he could find the money to get to America to do it.
A man in a ball cap with his arm around a slinky blonde too old to be his daughter emailed to tell me I was invited to his tailgate party. A 26 year old man (I’m 49) in a ball cap that had “IWFU” embroidered on the front emailed to tell me how “hot” I am and that he didn’t know a woman as “hot, sexy, and intelligent” as I am lived in my city. Can you guess what “IWFU” means? I can…
Boys, wearing a ball cap in a primary, okay in ANY online dating profile photo, causes me to immediately click past your profile. I don’t even read it. That sound I just heard might have been YOU, my knight in shining armor (and ball cap) thundering down my street on a well-caparisoned charger, but if I’d been interested enough to take a look, the ball cap on top of your helmet would have immediately sent me for a camera so I could post your photo on Facebook for my weekly caption contest.
Ball caps in online dating profile photos mean TWO things to me:
1. You’re bald and ashamed of it.
2. You’re too stupid to realize that wearing a ball cap in an online dating profile photo assists with the presumption that you’re bald and ashamed of it.
Men who wear a ball cap in an online dating profile photo are the equivalent of a woman with a big dog sitting in her lap while she peers out from behind the dog and smiles oh-so-coyly into the camera. Like the big dog, the ball cap is hiding something, and that something may be a lot more than a lack of hair.
I also think it’s really interesting that one of the suggested tags for this post was “Ohio.” Amazing. Two of those men WERE from Ohio.